College Dating #3: Compromise But Don’t Settle!


College is supposed to be the best years of your life when you get a small taste of life outside of your parent’s house and start to discover who YOU are as a person. Relationships can be a plus but of course there is a lot of compromise. I’ll get into that in Part 4 of my college dating blogs. This blog (Part 3) is going to be about compromising your standards and Part 4 will cover compromising with your significant other.

All too often when you are in a crowded environment for a long period of time (especially one filled with couples), you’ll start to feel the lonely part of being single. I can talk about this from experience being in a place like Liberty University. Most colleges have that famous slogan; “Ring by spring!” or “Ring by spring or your money back!”

Well, I’ve been at Liberty for 3 springs and let me tell you I haven’t met a woman who I felt strong enough feelings for to hand over a ring nor have I seen one sign of getting my money back!

In any case, LU was a college that really seemed to PUSH relationships. I’d say the last couple of semesters have been a bit calmer in that regard. That was not the case in 2011-2012 because it seemed that every person that spoke at convocation or Campus Church was there “preaching” about relationships or marriage.

There was one pastor who gave a piece of advice that I put into practice the night that I heard him say it at a Wednesday night service. He said that we should all take out a piece of paper and make a list. Writing down everything that you’d expect from your future wife or future husband and I wasted no time in writing down the qualities of my future wife.

When I finished, I made another copy and folded it up into my wallet. As time went on, if I had been seeing a girl for awhile or even ones that I talk to on a normal basis, I’d do a mental checklist of which qualities they had that was on my list.

After a few months, I decided to look over my list again. You know that feeling you get when you get back a graded paper and it was a lower grade than what you expected? That was kind of how I felt when I looked at my list again. Some of things on it were probably a little unrealistic in terms of what to expect out of someone that I’d like to spend the rest of my life with.

Thinking back to that church service, the pastor said that we needed to be careful of writing things down like; they have to be rich, good looking, etc. Because those kinds of things are more about selfish desires rather than true love and he was absolutely right.  I spent that night redoing the list and making it more about the personal qualities rather than physical or material qualities.

I must say that I met a few girls who were very compatible with the list that I made but certain circumstances made any chance of a relationship not possible; home states, career goals, how many kids we wanted and things of that nature that would be important if we were going to consider getting married in the future.

However, I feel alright about it because I know that I am looking for REAL love not just an artificial love based on looks.

As times goes on, it is easy to stumble and just fall into a relationship instead of falling in love. When you are constantly the third wheel when a friend invites you out with their girlfriend/boyfriend and you are just “there” or when everywhere you turn you see couples cuddling and you are alone…it starts to get to you. Then you’ll just find the first person who looks at you and say “I want THEM!”

That is a mistake because you are using a relationship as a way of avoiding loneliness. I’ll tell you one thing; you will feel lonelier in relationship with the wrong person than you will while you are single.

It is alright to say “Well this person doesn’t have every item of my quality list, but they come really close!” Seriously, you will probably never find that person who is 100% of what you are looking for relationship-wise. I don’t call that settling, I call that being realistic.

Why would you turn down someone who was “scored” a 96% on your Quality List for someone with good looks but they got a 54%? That doesn’t make any sense at all!

Just remember that settling and realistic are two different things. Either one can make or break a relationship. Consider what you want in a person and how they stack up in terms of your expectations. Trust me, a relationship based on that is probably going to last longer than one just to make you feel less lonely.