College Dating #1: Finding the Right Love at the Wrong Time

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How many times in life have you had this thought go through your mind; “If only I had met him/her at a different point in my life, maybe things would have worked out between us…”

Coming out of college in May and only being 21, I’m surprised at the number of times I’ve caught myself thinking about this late at night. I mean high school is a lot different than college. Not just in general, but I mean in terms of relationships.

Honestly, in high school a lot of people date each other just to date each other, form a relationship and usually break it off before or soon after graduation. In college, it is a whole new concept because typically in college you do not just date to date. More often than not when you are looking for someone to form a relationship with it is usually with someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with.

In conversations with women at Liberty, it was not uncommon for me to talk about things I never had to discuss while I was in high school especially on a first date or during a general conversation with a friend who was a female;

  • Where do you see yourself after you graduate?
  • In 5 years, what do you see yourself doing?
  • What goals do you have?
  • What career are you going for?
  • Do you plan to stay in your home state/region or move somewhere else?
  • How many kids do you want?
  • What religion do you practice?
  • What political party do you stand for?

And the list goes on because it might sound strange but dating in college is kind of like applying for a job. You have to have your “interview skills” intact because you need to be prepared for the standard questions that are asked by someone who is interviewing you for a potential position in a company. In a dating concept, men and women are “applying” for a potential position as a husband or wife without even knowing it.

I know that might sound ridiculous but just think about it; Women are tricky when it comes to this because just a job interview, they may throw in one or two questions that you didn’t prepare yourself for or you can’t give a straight answer to and I’ve seen a lot of guys get thrown off and not get called back for a second interview.

Looking back at some of the girls that I met in college, I’ve come to realize that the reason most of those friendships never blossomed into anything more was because we were both at different points in our lives or wanted different things:

  • She saw herself living somewhere that I didn’t want to move to
  • I wanted to wait for kids but she wanted kids right away
  • She felt called to travel overseas on mission trips while I wanted to stay in the states
  • I was ready for a relationship but past baggage kept her from wanting one

Now I’m not picking on women when I say these things, it comes down to me being male and saying things from a male perspective. I’m sure many of the women reading this are going;

“Well there was a guy but it turns out that he didn’t want kids at all! There was a guy I dated for 2 years but he never proposed because he had his heart broken before! I knew a man who wanted to go on mission trips but I wanted to stay in Utah!”

I know it is not just women who have baggage or are the ones who do not think a relationship can last due to certain circumstances. It all comes down to where both of you are in life at the time you are dating or are planning to date. Not only that, what you want and what you expect of each other is also a deciding factor.

There will always be that one person who crosses your mind from time to time. Let’s call that person “What might have been…” and that person is someone that shows up a lot for some people. It is important to not let relationships that “could have been” interfere with the relationships you are in now and the ones you certainly will have in the future.

Who knows that one person you thought was the one for you but was not due to it not being the right time might show up sometime down the road. There may be potential to start a relationship if both of you are finally at good places in your lives and can finally be together. Only time will tell that tale.

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