Dating: Are You Staying In Your League?

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by Jeremy Carden

I’ve had friends tell me this on more than one occasion; “Dude, you are trying to date girls that are WAY out of your league.” Has anyone else been in that same boat? It’s hard to define “leagues” in terms of which girls to date and who not to.

My friends are quick to point out when I attempt to date “supermodel looking” girls who are 10’s while they say I should be “starting out” with 5’s or 6’s. To me dating is more about who I am compatible with when compared to what rank people put girls in. I’m not trying to sound like a goody good but that is just the way that I operate.

Some people live by the notion; “I’m too ugly for the people that I want to date but too hot for the people who want to date me.”

Let’s be honest at some point I’m sure in the back of our minds we’ve all thought that at one point or another. We’ve all probably been pursued by someone we were not attracted too at all and thought we deserved better.

Now when it comes to leagues if I thought the way that my friends did I would say sometimes I wouldn’t be trying to pursue girls in a league above me I’d be going after girls playing an entirely different sport!

That’s life I guess you never know until you try. So what do you say about all of this? Do you date according to leagues or just someone you find attractive?

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Ever Have One of Those Dreams…

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Where it just seems so real but also too good to be true? I don’t know about you but I’ve had dreams that sometimes “predict” the future. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way saying I’m psychic or anything like that. I’m just saying that sometimes I’ve had those dreams where something happened and then it happened in real life and I’m thinking “What in the world?!?!”

Anyway, last night I had one of the strangest, sweetest, comforting yet confusing dream that I’ve had in awhile. It kind of goes along with the blog I wrote earlier about your dreams falling on deaf ears. The dream went like this;

I’m lying in bed with my wife and I get up to get into my den and it’s filled with books and awards that I’ve won. I sit in a big chair and I just start crying like a baby for no reason at all. Then my wife comes in and asks me what is wrong. I just tell him that I’m finally happy. After all the hardships, sleepless nights, being turned down for job offers, rejected by crushes and everything I had finally gotten to where I wanted to be.

I had a loving wife (no kids, yet…), my family was doing alright (especially my mom I was financially able to take care of her getting her a new house, car and making sure she never had to work overtime or worry about late bills again), my dreams had come true music/writing wise and I wasn’t worried about anything.

Also, I was reading in some of the old journals that I started writing in from 2012 and 2013 (I started writing in journals August of 2012 to the present and in this dream I was probably late 20s or early 30s). As I was reading those pages, that is when I started tearing up because I would write about staying up late writing song lyrics, the difficulties or successes that God brought me through that day and the list goes on.

Funny part is I could remember nearly every detail from that dream except my wife. I honestly I have no clue who she was or what she looked like. Not sure if it was someone I never met before because if it was a girl I knew, something tells me I’d be able to recall that.

However, the main point I want to get across is that I don’t know what the dream meant. I’m no Daniel or Joseph so I can’t interpret dream unless like them God gives me that ability. The dream could mean that eventually everything that I’ve been working for through faith and determination will finally come to pass, but one thing seems evident; I didn’t get that nice house and everything else because I gave up.

That is my message I want to spread to you; never give up. If anything that dream has inspired me enough to work even harder for my goals! Don’t ignore your dreams, they sometimes tell us more than we expect.

Losing Weight; What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?

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Well, it’s been 2 ½ weeks since I’ve been home and I’ve lost 5 pounds! Cutting back on sodas (I went soda free for about 10 days, but now occasionally I’ll have a soft drink), walking with my 20 pound vest for a minimum of 45 minutes outside a day and generally not packing myself with junk food or eating too much made a huge difference in the long run.

During this time of the year, the temperature usually ranges (where I live anyway) somewhere in between 79 to low 90 degrees during the week. For me, sodas do not do the trick water is what keeps me refreshed. Also, I have to be careful of what time of the day I go outside to walk because the last thing I want is to get a heat stroke or something since it isn’t too smart to play with Mother Nature. Then when it comes to food when it is too hot I’m really not in the mood to stuff myself.

Now, I’ve talked about how people’s words can hurt when it comes to a person’s weight or how hard it is to keep that commitment to diet and exercise but there is one thing that will hurt more than anything; looking at yourself in the mirror.

I don’t know if that has the same effect on you but that does it for me! I know for some people it is looking at their weight on a scale. Personally I try to stay away from them but I just got one last week to record my progress. I only get on the scale every Friday afternoon so I don’t become obsessive and get to the point where I’m losing weight but not going about it in a healthy fashion.

Just taking a moment to look in the mirror while I go to wash my face and I just catch a glimpse of plump cheeks that weren’t so plump a couple of months ago take me by surprise. I don’t know why but that moment if when I realize that yes I have gained some weight. That was my reaction when I first got home from school. So, it is satisfying for me to know that my hard work is starting to bear fruit.

I think that the mirror is the biggest truth for a person to see for themselves what changes take place. That is why some people refuse to look in a mirror and I can see why. Just like getting on a scale it is easy to feel disgust and depression at what you are. However, that is not the way things should be taken. Use that motivation to push forward in order to change for the better. Not because someone called you a name like tubby or fat, not because you can’t quite fit into that old pair of jeans but because you WANT to lose weight for you and no one else.

Take a moment to remember that the next time you look in a mirror and do not like what you see. All it takes is a determined mind and the rest is just work and dedication. Never be disgusted by your appearance! You are who you are if you want to change do it for you and no one else. 

Don’t Respect to Neglect

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Do you consider yourself to be what others might call a pushover or a doormat because you seem to let other people walk all over you? Honestly, I’ve been in that category for a long time and sometimes I feel that I still am. Unfortunately that is one of the prices that people pay for being nice and respecting other people’s feelings.

One thing that you should not do is respect everyone else’s feelings if that means neglecting your own. I know what it’s like being someone that it eager to please, but overtime I found that you cannot satisfy everyone and that’s a fact. If you live your life trying to make everyone else happy you’ll just wear yourself out and make yourself miserable.

If a friend is a true friend they will respect your own feelings as well without taking advantage of you just so you can benefit them. Overall, I think one of the most common situations where you respect someone else’s feelings while overlooking your own is in a romantic sense.

Not too long ago, I had to deal with that same type of situation. I knew this girl for over a year, we kept in contact during the summer and fall semester (she went to France to study abroad but we Skyped, chatted on Facebook and mailed each other letters) and she came back just last semester to live on campus again.

However, despite our “relationship” it seemed that she changed in France. She was at a point in her life where she doesn’t know what to do career wise and doesn’t feel a relationship would be best right now. Of course it hurt me deeply because I had to put my feelings aside and respect her wishes. Price of being a “nice guy” I always come up short in those situations.

Though I do not know if there will ever be something more between us like there once was it is uncertain at this time and to be honest though it’s been months since that situation happened I’m still getting over it. So, the point of this blog is to let you know there is nothing wrong with respecting other people’s feelings but don’t do it to the point that you neglect your own wellbeing. 

 

Is Your Dream Falling On Deaf Ears?

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Ever feel like when you express your dreams, goals or desires to people that they aren’t listening or understanding you at all?

I go though that sometimes when telling people that I want to be a writer or more specifically a songwriter. It is like they brush it off like nonverbally saying; “What kind of ridiculous dream is that?”

I remember one time when I told my mom that I wanted to buy a guitar. You know so I could work on melodies myself. And the look she gave me was one that I can never forget. It was a look that said; “What in the world?!”

Prince and Taylor Swift are just a couple of my songwriting and music inspirations. Every knows that Prince is like a “god” of guitar and Swift being a country singer started out when a repair man came to her house and taught her a couple chords to play and the rest is history.

That kind of set me back seeing that she was my main supporter in my writing and then to witness her reaction to my statement just hurt a little on the inside.

Sometimes it does bother me especially after someone ASKS me what my passion/dream/goal is in life.

When your dream falls on deaf ears don’t worry because someday those same people are going to want to listen to what you have to say but it will be too late.

The point of this blog is to let you know how important it is to keep “real people” around you. People who listen and support your dream are the most important people to have at a time when you are building up your dreams. Also remember that the people you interact with help to shape who you are. Be around people who will bring you up and help in some way and also people that you can help by your work ethic or just being a friend.

Its funny how people are “deaf” to your dreams but once you succeed they suddenly get back their hearing because they want to listen to what you have to say and hope to slither in on your success.

Everyone who was present during the struggle deserves to be part of your success in some form or another.

Just remember that when you feel ignored by people when you talk about your dreams.

Losing Weight; Who Are You Doing It For?

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It’s been awhile since I posted a health related blog because I wanted to wait until something good happened or come to a realization that I wanted to share with everyone.

Who are you losing weight for or why are you losing weight?

-To fit into an old pair of jeans you are a couple sizes too big for?

-To gain the attention of someone you admire like someone you have a crush on

-Because a family member or doctor recommended losing weight

-Because someone said something hurtful that promoted you to get into shape…

As I was doing my usual hour long job/walk outside on nice days at home, I was just thinking about gradually losing weight as the week rolled by.

Then I thought; when I do get into better shape (by continuing to stay active rather than passive in my desire to get fit) what would I feel like in terms of accomplishment?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you are losing weight for someone make sure you are doing it for yourself.

Honestly, I was thinking about the attention I would potentially gain from females by being a better looking person by losing weight. Most girls are turned off by a guy who is out of shape; don’t get me wrong first impressions mean a lot especially appearance because we usually SEE a person before we HEAR/Get to know them in terms of personality. A guy/girl could have a heart of gold but people judge first one appearance.

Though I began to also think about how people would look at me differently, they might ONLY be attracted to me because of how I look and that is not the way I want it to be. Looks fade over time whether it is weight, wrinkles, etc.

So, be sure you keep going for you. Build up self-confidence, because I know if I get thinner and fit into 32 waist jeans because I’m a 34 now. I’m going to feel more confident in myself knowing that willpower and self-disciple helped me get there.

It will give me that extra boost to approach and meet new people. For now, I’m just losing weight for myself in terms of confidence, health and just to know if I put my mind to something I can accomplish anything and the same goes for you!

Big Dreams, Small Bank Account

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Have you ever had an idea, passion, dream or inspiration that gets you up from your seat and make your blood rush? That thing that makes you want to work towards something that could change your life but then it call comes to a screeching halt.

Sometimes I wish my bank account was as big as my dream is. I know I know, work hard/play harder, “seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open” and all of the other saying people say to you when you are feeling discouraged.

Faith is the key to unlocking the door to our dreams. There are many days where I sit around wondering when my big break as a writer is going to take off or why nothing has happened recently to let me know that I’m on the right path or my hard work is paying off.

I will say there is a lot of truth to how one word of encouragement means more than success. When you are feeling down and someone whispers a word to help you press on brings something new to the table. It lets you know that you are not alone in the struggle.

Someday I hope that I eventually write a song that makes it to the radio waves, a screenplay that makes it to the big screen, a book that is a #1 seller or poems that ignite the souls and passions or people everywhere.

With every word I write on paper or type on my computer, I’m one step closer to my dream. Yes, that bank account, bills, school loans and whatnot seem to drag me down but I know I’m in the valley right now. However, pretty soon I know I will come to the other side to reap the fruits of my hard labor!

Keep on going people, keep your dreams alive!